6 posts tagged “culled from myspace”
One of my "Friends" sent me the link to this thing, knowing that I can't resist them:
This came from Taste Of Home's Cooking for 2 magazine. It's really good, reheats well, and goes together quickly. I usually double the peppers and mushrooms in it and have added a small finely diced onion to the mix. Enjoy!
Veggie Chicken Linguine
INGREDIENTS
6 ounces uncooked linguine
3/4 pound boneless skinless chicken breast, cut into bite-size pieces
1 to 2 teaspoons Cajun seasoning
2 tablespoons butter
4 large fresh mushrooms, sliced
1/2 medium green pepper, julienned
1/2 medium sweet red pepper, julienned
1 green onion, chopped
1 can (10-3/4 ounces) condensed cream of mushroom soup, undiluted
3/4 cup 2% milk
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon dried basil
1/4 teaspoon lemon-pepper seasoning
1/8 teaspoon garlic powder
Dash pepper
Shredded Parmesan cheese, optional
DIRECTIONS: Cook linguine according to package directions. Meanwhile, place the chicken and Cajun seasoning in a large resealable plastic bag; shake to coat. In a large skillet, sauté chicken in butter for 3 minutes. Add the mushrooms, peppers and onion; cook and stir for 3-5 minutes or until chicken juices run clear and vegetables are tender. Stir in the soup, milk and seasonings. Cook 2-3 minutes longer or until heated through. Drain linguine; toss with chicken mixture. Garnish with Parmesan cheese if desired. Yield: 3 servings.
I am a complete wuss when it comes to horror movies. I like a few of them anyway, but it's hard for me to get through them. My favorites are the Friday the 13th & Halloween sagas.
Anyway, for me to get through a horror flick, I need a few things. Well, one thing- I need something to bury my face in and scream. My friends laugh at me, but I don't care- when it gets too gory, I just can't look. My former best friend and I used to stage movie marathons at her house on weekends. Her mom & little sister saved what they called my scream pillow, just for me to shriek into.
I'm apparently a fun date for this reason. Take me to a horror movie, boys, and I'll probably wind up in your lap with my face buried in your neck. I also tend to stick my fingers in my ears- seeing icky stuff doesn't bother me nearly as much as hearing it. Sounds stick around in my brain longer and I tend to imagine worse stuff than I see onscreen.
Anyway, one weekend Cassandra's mother & sister were gone for the night. She & I had watched wrestling and a couple of the Halloween movies, and were about halfway through an episode of Tales From the Crypt. I don't remember a lot about the episode other than it took place in a supposedly deserted house during a storm. It was actually storming where we were, too, which made it even more unnerving for me. The duplex apartment they lived in was surrounded by trees (which were whipping around in the wind, occasionally banging into the windows) and the neighbors on either side weren't home.
At the height of the show, just when the killer was about to strike, there was a loud crack and the power went out. (We later found out lightning had struck the transformer down the street.) Right as that happened, there was a terrific pounding on the door, like the TV killer was trying to break into the house. I start screaming like a banshee, Cass (also screaming) runs to the locked back door and tries to tear it open without unlocking it. Still screaming and unable to see, I tried to join her, only to trip over every conceivable piece of furniture in the living room before falling flat on my face on the kitchen floor.
The front door flies open-
Her mom & sister were standing there with my sort-of boyfriend. He'd dropped by to join us for the late show. (We WERE the late show) They had come home early due to the storm. The pounding was him, first attempting to scare us (boy did he ever succeed), then trying to get in because he thought something was wrong when we started screeching. (Yeah, my heart stopped beating, jerk!)
As mentioned in an earlier blog, my friend Cass & I used to get together and watch horror movies. We were also wrestling buddies- we went to just about every WCW show in NC from 1989-1993. It worked out nicely- I had a crush on Road Warrior Hawk, she liked Animal. I wanted Scott Steiner (before the steroids ate his brain); she had a thing for Rick.
Our birthdays were 3 days apart- hers was August 11th (she got stuck sharing with Hulk Hogan), mine is August 14th. (I got Bobby Eaton- hah!) WCW was doing a show in Charlotte on the 12th one year, so of course we had to be there.
It was a fun trip. We got a hotel room- brought our own co-birthday cake (aka my infamous, lethal rum cake) - and were ready to party. Some of the local boys had given us a number to call when we hit town, so we called them up.
Now, I had promised Cass we would go see the movie of her choice for her birthday. (You think I'd know better after she wanted us to go see Michael Bolton the year before....have I told that story yet?) Sure enough, a new Friday the 13th movie was out- guess what she wanted to see? So we rounded up a few of the boys and headed to the theater.
I should mention here that Cass had spent a great deal of time describing my reaction to horror movies to the boys who were dying laughing at me. I retaliated by imitating her "death dance"- this little move she would do when she sensed a character was about to get snuffed- but still got the worst of the ribbing. On the other hand, I got to sit between 2 hunks who were fine with the idea of me burrowing into them when I got freaked out.
So the plot of this one, besides Jason killing everyone in sight, is that Jason is actually blown to pieces by a bomb or something. He gets reincarnated when the doctor examining his remains does the grossest thing I've seen in one of these movies: he picks up the suddenly beating heart and eats it. The whole theater saw it coming- I had literally slid out of my seat and was crouched on the floor with both of the guys crouching over me, and a lot of the other moviegoers were covering their eyes and making sick noises. Then I realize I'm not alone on the floor- Cass is down there too!
This is the woman who normally drinks cherry soda, eats hot dogs/pizza/whatever during the sickest scenes in any movie we watch, and she's freaking out at this scene. I couldn't help it, I pulled an Eddie Murphy. (from one of his old stand-up routines) "Bitch, I paid $5 for you to see this movie; you better get up there and watch it!"
She never lived it down. And now the story is on the web for the world to see....hee hee.
I have tried to post these several times, but my computer has locked up every time. So I am giving it one more shot- without the pictures that I managed to get uploaded- and if this doesn't work, I give up.
1. Many moons ago when I was a freshman at UNC-Chapel Hill, I had a dreaded early AM Spanish class. The fastest route to this class, halfway across campus from my dorm, was to cut through the arboretum. There were few, if any, people in the arb at that time of day. I realized after a week or two that I wasn't walking alone. A little brown squirrel had taken to "walking" me to class- leaping from tree to tree beside the path as I walked. I was even more amazed to realize that the little guy was walking me home after class as well. Being the nut that I am, I started talking to him as I walked. He'd occasionally chitter back at me- it was probably one of the best friendships I made there.
Well, one morning there was someone else in the arb. A guy was walking up the path toward me-not in a threatening way or anything- just walking towards the dorms. My little squirrel leapt from the tree and landed smack in the center of the sidewalk between us. We both stopped to see what was going to happen next. The guy looked at me as if to say WTF? Not sure what was happening, I just shrugged.
So he took a couple of steps to the left- so did the squirrel. Tried stepping to the right with the same results. Finally he said, 'screw it" and started to come past me. The squirrel jumped 4 feet straight up in the air, puffed his fur out, and let out a screech that could curl your hair! The guy shrieked and went careening off the path through the bushes trying to get away from it. My little furry friend chased him a few feet before coming back to me.
I stood there laughing my ass off. Chipper, as I finally named the little guy, looked at me for a minute, climbed back up into the trees, and proceeded up the path like nothing strange had occurred. When he realized that I hadn't moved yet, he came back, gave me a scolding chitter, and more or less herded me to class.
2. We had moved into a house with a big magnolia tree in the middle of our backyard. There was a squirrel that lived in the tree and was one of the sassiest little things you've ever seen. Scotty would sit in front of the backdoor and whine like crazy to be let out- the squirrel would be out there taunting him. I mean this thing would literally bend over and shake its tail at him.
So one of us would let Scotty out and he'd go tearing across the yard, barking his fool head off, and the squirrel would wait til the last minute and race up the tree. Scotty would bounce around under the branches, growling and waiting for him to come back down. Depending on the season, the squirrel would chunk magnolia pods down at him.
Anyway, one day the little beast was up to his usual tricks. I let Scotty out the back door just as my dad was pulling into the driveway, so he also got to witness what came next. As usual, the squirrel waited til Scotty was right on top of him before tearing up the tree. Only this time, it scampered out onto a branch that had been damaged during a hurricane. as the squirrel started dancing on the branch and chittering at Scotty, there was a loud crack. The branch fell out of the tree with the squirrel clinging to it and landed squarely on Scotty's back. (it was a small limb- probably about 2 feet long and as big around as my thumb) Scotty's feet went out from under him, spread-eagled, like something in a Tom & Jerry cartoon.
He lay there for a minute, stunned. The squirrel seemed to be paralyzed. Then Scotty slowly turned his head so that he was nose to nose with the squirrel. They looked at each other for a moment, the squirrel let out the rodent version of "EEEEEK!" and shot back up the tree with my silly dog woofing at him.
The whole thing probably only lasted a minute or so, but it was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. I was clinging to the door frame, laughing fit to kill. My dad was sitting on the hood of the car clutching his side, he was laughing so hard. Scotty shook himself and came over to be petted.
The squirrel left him alone for a few days after that. I think he was testing all the branches in the tree to make sure it didn't happen again!
Failure is inevitable... Show us some failure.
Submitted by Connie.
My last baking class at Sullivan was the class where we had to do wedding cakes. Now, baking the actual cake was never a problem- I can bake nearly anything and have it taste good. Decorating is my weak-to-the-point-of-embarrassing-I-can't-believe-you're-a-certified-pastry-chef point. To be honest, I suck. My lab partner wasn't much better- he was just hoping to coast through and didn't want to put any real effort into it.
Our midterm wedding cake was close to perfect. We made a 3 tiered chocolate cake with a mocha-hazelnut icing. We flat-iced the cakes and then used a tool that created a simple scalloped effect on the icing. It was topped with fresh pink roses and whispery ferns and was just GORGEOUS. We got an A: one of the few grades I really felt I earned in this program.
Well, Jordan & I got cocky after that success. For the final, we decided to do an octagon shaped cake with fondant icing. it was supposed to be silvery blue and have piped sugar snowflakes as decorations. Appropriate for a winter wedding, and a December graduation project. It was supposed to look something like the candles pictured below:
The problems started here. Fondant (molded sugar) icing is tricky to work with. We had to sift 20 lbs of sugar 7 times-literally- for starters. You have to place a layer of almond paste over the cake to give the fondant something to cling to. Then you roll the fondant out to a thin layer and drape it over the cake, smoothing it down all around. Chef tried to talk us out of the odd shaped cake since we were already working with a difficult icing, but we didn't think it would be that hard. (Mistake #1)
Mistake #2- We grabbed the wrong shade of blue food coloring and added WAAAAAAAAAAAY too much of it. So instead of the pale silvery blue we wanted we got something like THIS- UK/Exploded smurf blue.
Mistake #3- We tried to use complicated snowflake patterns. Basically, you run off a hundred copies of the pattern, place them on cookie sheets and wrap them in plastic wrap. Then you fill a pastry tube with a fine point tip with your royal icing (a stiff sugar blend) and try to trace the lines. Let those dry for a day or two and try to get them off the sheet intact and onto the cake without breaking any. Easier said than done, which is why you have to pipe out a million of the damned things. I was coming into the lab at 6AM (class didn't start until 9) and staying late in the afternoons, trying to get enough done. (Jordan only came in during class- he'd already realized we were sinking like the Titanic and had given up)
Mistake #4- We showed up for the final presentations. We had this huge BLUE monstrosity with fondant the consistancy of hard play-dough (we didn't roll it out thinly enough) that had cracked horribly. (no way to subtly patch it either.) The snowflakes were falling apart as people breathed on them. Jordan managed to knock half of them off as we carried this thing down to the presentation room. Other students were staring and laughing as we passed them.
I spent the judging (oh yeah, we were being judged like it was a food show competition- all of the Baking Program chefs, the head of the Culinary program, and the wedding cake decorator from the school bakery were the judges) in the hallway having hysterics. (The whole class had to wait out there while the judging took place as it was supposedly a blind judging.) We knew when each of the judges got to our cake because there were shrieks of laughter and a loud "What the hell is THAT?!?"
Our chef kept patting me on the back and telling me to stop crying, it was ok, I was going to pass the class and graduate anyway. I still felt awful. in fact I was still crying when I went to work. It was one of the few times my passive-agressive-sexually-harrassing boss was ever truly nice to me. He walked past my office, saw me sitting there bawling my eyes out while I ran the special orders through the distibutors (I was at the bookstore) online, came in and said "Do you want to take the rest of the day off?" I don't even remember the drive home, but I can tell you that I slept for 18 hours after that.
So there's my failure story. I wish I wasn't technologically challenged- I have pictures of the thing, but can't get them online. Enough time has passed that it's kind of funny now, but I would've been happy to be swallowed by the earth that day!
I'm thinking about killing my MySpace page, so I thought I would transfer some random things from it to this blog. Enjoy...or don't.....I just wrote these to amuse myself for the most part. Some of this may already exist here- I'm too lazy to go back and check.
in which the author curses her mother, her cat, and her landlord all while trying to explain to the cops that she doesn't need to be hauled in for disturbing the peace......
Starting with my mother.....when she was here two weeks ago, she informed me (on her way out of town with my dad) that she saw a large snake in my backyard and it had gone under the shed. I don't do snakes, so I decided that it could HAVE the yard- I don't use it much anyway. It's mostly the domain of assorted birds, a squirrel, and the 2 new bunnies that have joined my old one.
I did mention to Chad, my erstwhile landlord, that there was some new wildlife in my backyard- the new bunnies and the snake, and that he could feel free to come do something about the #$^&$#$#W&&@&@$ snake. He said it was probably more scared of me than I was of it (which is also what he claimed about the thing-under-the-house:anybody else see a pattern here?) and not to worry about it, because it proabably wasn't even poisonous. Do I care if the damned thing has venom?!? I do not! I want it terminated with extreme predjudice or I want my rent reduced since the yard is infested with icky things. The boy had the nerve to laugh and call me a hyterical loon.
Now for the cat.....Greymalkin of course, had to zip out between my feet the other night, but I tackled him in the driveway before he made it to the backyard snakepit. (which led to me spending some quality time with the tweezers & peroxide picking gravel out of my arm) But last night, Felicity zipped out before I could squawk "Freeze" and headed for the back yard. I honestly considered abandoning the twit to her fate, but since I've raised her from kittenhood, I just couldn't do it. So without the sense to turn on the back porch light or grabbing a flashlight, I charged into the abyss to rescue my idiot cat.
I should mention that the recent rainy spell we've had has made the grass grow 6 inches overnight. And I was wearing a pair of strappy sandals, leaving my feet largely exposed. So after I scoop up the cat, who was MUCH closer to the snake shed than I was comfortable with, it's understandable that when I felt something long, wet, and slimy brush over the top of my foot I started screaming bloody murder while dancing in place before bolting for the house. (only later realizing that it was probably a long weed or dandelion stem, having seen the trampled patch in the yard in broad daylight.)
Well, hysterical screaming at 2 a.m. prompts my neighbors to call the police, who of course show up while I'm still clutching the yowling cat and having conniptions of my own in the driveway. Since this was Derby weekend, ALL officers were working double shifts and it was my dumb luck to get 4 officers that I actually didn't know. I tried to get them to go snake hunting (which nearly resulted in me getting hauled in for a psych evaluation) and then had to beg them to call some of the guys on their division that I DO know to verify that I wasn't a total nutcase. (showing them my work ID did nothing except make one asshat ask what screening process they used for hiring in our department.) Luckily I was able to get someone to vouch for me, so I was allowed to take the twitling and go inside. But I noticed that they drove down my street hourly after that, until I came into work today. sigh..........
Why I need a significant other (well, not really, but it makes a good title) I pride myself on not being the kind of woman who seems incapable of carrying her own bags, taking out the trash, or dealing with 1,001 things that SOME women feel like they need a man around the house for. I've also been told that my fiercely independent nature tends to drive men away- oh well, it's not like I can change it. They'll just have to suck it up. My main girly weakness, however, is critters. Not the Elly Mae Clampett version with 4 legs & fur or 2 legs & feathers. I'm talking about the 6-8 (or more) legged variety as well as the icky slithering,oozing sort. (see earlier post about the snake out back) Back when I had a roommate (the passive-aggressive pig), we had a coded system for me letting him know I had encountered a critter that he needed to come deal with at once. It consisted of me screaming "AAAAAAAAIGH" at the top of my lungs and either dancing in place or tearing through the house to prod him into action. Since he's been gone, I've had to deal with the damned things myself. (it's totally worth not living with him anymore) I can deal (sort of) with the slugs that get in. I can usually handle the spiders. But the damned crickets are the worst- they leap at you, they crunch if you squish them, and they don't stop wiggling after you squish them. (I know some cultures consider crickets to be good luck- my house is apparently a haven for crickets, so why isn't my luck any better?!?) Well, this morning, as I'm basking in my nice hot steamy shower, I open my eyes, look to my left, and see a cricket the size of my palm clinging to the shower curtain at eye level with me. Luckily it was between the curtain & curtain liner, but it was still downright unsettling. My shriek prompted the cats to all stop grooming themselves, roll over and go to sleep. The cricket started climbing. I was torn between smacking the liner and knocking it loose (which I opted not to do since that would put it in the tub at my feet) and trying to leap out of the shower without setting it free and having it jump on me. I successfully managed the latter action, but in the meantime, the damn thing somehow disappeared. So now there's a deranged mutant cricket lurking in my house, waiting to attack. *****FOR RENT***** 2 bedroom, 1 bath house in semi-quiet neghborhood. Fully furnished, also comes with 3 cats as previous tenant is too chickenshit to go back in and collect her stuff....... Will someone please tell me who decided that women need to shave their legs to be feminine and why I buy into that crap? I lost my mind last night and decided to shave mine. Do you have any idea how long it takes to shave mile-long legs, especially when you're not a contortionist and have to twist your body into ridiculous positions to reach everything?!? Add three curious cats to the mix and you have a recipe for disaster. ( Greymalkin: Hey girls, come look at what Mom's doing! Felicity: What is that foamy stuff on her legs? Can I eat it? YUCK! Nightshade: Ooooh, you shouldn't have done that....I don't know what moronic fucktarded sandpaper tongued fiend from hell means, but I don't think you're getting any treats tonight. Look, now Mommy has red stuff running down her leg!) Just think, I come up with this stuff without the benefit of drugs or alcohol.......
